Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Sensation play for erotic joy

I like the term "sensation play" and the ability to instill erotic joy in a relationship. What is sensation play? Likely, you've heard about BDSM. It really is about having your partner feel different sensations. Married couples may think, "I could never involve my spouse in bdsm" even in a fun way. I had thought that for years with my wife. BDSM may seem too intense or degrading. So erase it from your mind and instead consider it as giving your partner surprises and sensations that he or she would otherwise not experience. 

Spanking is one of the sensations I now use with my wife and I've increased the intensity of them. She can take a pretty good spanking which is fun to give and fun to see her cute bottom turn slightly red. 

A blindfold is another way to give surprises and sensations. Buy a silk scarf from a department store or a blindfold from a drugstore outlet. The cost is quite affordable. Once your partner is wearing a blindfold and can't see, they need to know they can trust you. Using massage oil on them is another way to give a pleasant sensation.

Monday night we had the house to ourselves and though we had some calls to make we decided to have sex. While I got out the toys, I wound up not using any. Instead a few spanks, licking and massage oil did just fine. Sensations we produced were powerful and resulted in an orgasmic great time. I'll do some more postings on sensation play for erotic joy.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Writing romance: my first story getting published

Writing romance for me is nothing new. Usually I kept it to myself or in the form of intimate letters to my wife. My first erotic story will be published by Breathless Press. I'll keep you up to date. The situation has to do with the choices a woman makes while stuck at O'Hare International Airport. Talk about a sexy setting! Not really, which made it fun to write!

I'm also finishing my first erotic romance novel. I've been re-writing one of the chapters and a publisher has asked for the first three chapters to review. I'm waiting for their response and hoping they'll request the complete manuscript.

What's great about writing romance, especially erotic romance, is creating a sense of anticipation between the characters and trying to keep the tensions and emotions honest and compelling so the reader wants to turn the pages.

I believe the eroticism lies in the details. Stay tuned!

Kissing - or almost kissing - and erotic joy

Creating anticipation is one of the best ways of sparking erotic joy in a relationship. In a healthy relationship, there's no problem using a kiss - or an almost kiss - as a form of teasing to create the anticipation of a deep sexual experience later.

The thought came to me as I read a post by romance author Debra Kayn. She wrote about "almost kissing" with her husband and then walking away! Fortunately, sounds like they have a good relationship! Here's what Debra has to say about it:

"I love the moment right before a kiss more than the actual act. That sexual tension that builds between two people grabs me. Of course, that made me change the 10 second rule the next day, and I said that we have to get as close to kissing without actually kissing...and then walk away."

Read Debra's 10-second rule on kissing and learn more about her romance writing.

Think of the ways you can create anticipation in the next day or two: a soft brush of the lips, a touch on the bottom, a candle lit even if not trying to seduce your lover. There are many ways to create those moments that can lead to more intense passion later.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Panties and dressing for erotic joy

Panties have an erotic quality that accentuate the beauty of a woman's body. Take time to study how the panties follow the natural curves of the butt and slide gracefully along the thighs and in between the legs.

Dressing erotically in panties and undressing can be done deliberately, moving the fabric over the legs slowly until the clothing is in place. There's no need to wait until it's time for lovemaking to show your partner your erotic skills in putting them on or taking them off.

If it's morning, and your spouse or partner is in bed, stand in front of the bed and a mirror, if there's one in your room, and hold them gracefully. 

Then slowly lift your legs placing them through the openings and pull them slowly up your thighs and begin to wiggle as the fabric touches your bottom. Wait. Don't pull them all the way up. Keep them just below the curve of your butt and run your fingers through your hair and then reach down to finally pull them up over your rear and fit them snugly against your hips.

Taking them off in the evening can be done in the same way. Find a time when it's not necessary to rush. Try it at least once a week -- again, at a time when it's not just time for sexual contact. This is a way to maintain a level of seduction and arousal with a long-time partner.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Sensual massage oil for erotic touch and sexual talk

Sensual Massage Oil is one of the best ways to explore your lover's body, reduce inhibitions, and find the serenity to share fantasies.

Sharing fantasies and developing erotic communication is the first step toward a satisfying sexual life and exploring sexual fantasies. But speaking about your desires is challenging. We don't know how the other person listening will respond. Will they think we're spending our time thinking sexually when we should be more concerned about paying bills or improving our career choices - or spending time with the kids?

Take time to light candles, focus on each other, and begin a deeply erotic massage. Warm the oil in the microwave or over a candle. Rub it in your hands and begin at the shoulders before working your way down the back. Take time to focus on each muscle group.

And then raise the issue: say something gentle and leading like "do you know what I've been thinking about lately?"

Pause. Wait for the other person to respond. Be patient. Developing sexual talk and sharing fantasies takes time. Giving your lover a sexual massage is a good way to begin.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Adult pleasure toys from Eros and Isis

Adult pleasure toys are easily found online, but the toys from Eros and Isis are the most unique and decorative toys I've seen

They have an antique look to them but the "sustainable" toys are silicone.

Eros and Isis was launched after a personal shopping trip.
Iesza is the CEO of Eros and Isis, whom I contacted through Twitter after visiting what I felt is the most unique sites of its kind on the Web.
I asked her how she got started and came up with the idea of sustainable adult toys that have a “vintage” or “antique” look to them.
Inspiration for the entire concept of the company came to me during and
shortly after a "shopping trip" for a toy. I had been broken up from a
long term relationship and my girlfriends talked me into finding myself a
plastic boyfriend rather than a rebound relationship.

I perused the higher-end adult shops here in Vancouver to no avail.

Everything on the shelves seemed either goofy, or durogatory. I found
nothing in any of the shops appealing. Nothing "beautiful."

I thought about the industry in general. I thought, If I felt that way and
left empty handed, there must be other women who felt the same.

I thought about what excites me...What turns me on, and strangely I
couldn't shake thoughts of Paris, Art nouveau and ancient porn. I love
that secret, subtle naughtiness inherent in fine art of the past few
In my opinon, the imagination is SO sexy and the fantasy that
these designs can conjure in the mind is much more than any blatant
silicone phallus can allow.

Click here to visit Eros and Isis.
Ah, the imagination is one of the greatest ways to find erotic joy. Lesson learned. Attract your lover through the mind -- and the heart (and erotic desires) -- will follow.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Romantic places in Los Angeles: the LA Arboretum

A romantic place in Los Angeles is the LA County Arboretum which is actually in the city of Arcadia.

We took a walk in the Arboretum this afternoon under partly cloudy skies with cool breezes – the kind of temperature and environment which I find particularly conducive to romance and romantic thought.
The Arboretum has open expanses with nicely framed views of the San Gabriel Mountains in the background. There are plenty of paths through wooded spots where lovers of any age can wander through trees and have a feeling of seclusion.
There is a large pond with trails around it that have thick trees and bamboo shooting high. But today, we found something a bit different. In the Korean garden, there is a waterfall with steps leading up to a knoll and on top there is a large flat area with beautiful views of the mountains and the gardens below.
We climbed the several dozen steps and strolled down the winding road bringing us around the back side of the hill and to the grounds below.
There are plenty of nice places to hug, kiss, and simply be quiet. During the weekdays, it’s a wonderful time to catch an hour or two since visitors are fewer and the Arboretum is large enough to allow private conversations.
For those who live in the area, having an annual pass to the LA Arboretum is definitely worth the price. The grounds are a romantic inspiration.

Monday, February 22, 2010

5 ways to start an erotic talk

Erotic joy – including having an erotic talk about your fantasies and desires – includes laying an emotionally beautiful foundation with the one who shares your body.
Here are 5 things you can tell that special someone today:
Lovely eyes – notice how lovely his or her eyes are. Tell them how you enjoy when they look longingly at you.
Lips – tell them how much you enjoy their lips brushing against your lips and how you enjoy the warmth of their kisses
Thoughts – tell them how special it makes you feel when you can share your most intimate thoughts and desires without the fear of being judged.
Positive comparisons – write a brief note to compare their traits to something positive and romantic like a rose. “You make me feel vibrant like a blooming rose and your embrace nourishes me.”
Touch – tell them how much you appreciate their simple, everyday touches.
Intimacy builds in the details – the moments -- that are shared. As they’re communicated, a foundation can be laid for sharing more fantasies and desires.
During the middle of busy moments, find the time to whisper one of these comments to your spouse, partner, lover. While drastic changes won’t occur immediately, make it a practice and over time inhibitions may lower and overall intimacy can improve.

Image "Summer Rose" from

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

7 Tips for Romancing Your Spouse

Developing intimacy with your spouse requires a commitment to romancing your spouse as well.

Romance, intimacy and sexual erotic joy are a mystery in some ways but they can, and should, be incorporated into our daily lives. After all, why compartmentalize ourselves? Instead, live as a whole person. 

Here are tips to romance your spouse, partner, every day:

1) Touch. Find ways to touch lightly, frequently. Let fingers touch against a hip, an arm, or a hand.

2) Stop for a six-second hug. Don't be afraid if one spouse is upset, disappointed or feels like nothing good is happening in life. That's even more reason to give a hug.

3) Read a poem out loud in bed on a weeknight.

4) Buy a flower, one flower, and give it with a note saying "thanks for your love. I was thinking about you."

5) Place a heart in a lunch bag, briefcase or on the dashboard of the car.

6) Offer to do a chore around the house the other one normally does 

Romancing your spouse and your partner is important even in times of career downturns, financial stress, or family upheavel. 

Create the moments for erotic joy and romance -- don't wait for them to somehow magically occur. That's the test of a strong relationship and helps fantasy mesh a bit more closely with reality.

Creative Erotic Art of Male and Female Sexuality: Evolution, Education, Health, Oral Sex, Positions, Masturbation, Pornography, Laws

Human sexuality in its many forms and facets is covered on this site that I came across. I can recommend it since it's deep with some great information.

Creative Erotic Art of Male and Female Sexuality: Evolution, Education, Health, Oral Sex, Positions, Masturbation, Pornography, Laws: ""

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Romancing Your Spouse with a Lap Dance

Put some erotic joy and romance in to your relationship with a lap dance. I came across the idea after seeing an article from a woman, Angel Vee, who listed quite a few songs that would work well for giving a spouse or lover a lap dance:

"On my first Valentine's Day with my husband one of his gifts was a Valentine's day lap dance. Trying to find that perfect song was so hard, due to all the great hits out there. But I ended up choosing a song called 'Darling Nikki" by Prince. This song was a perfect choice for a lap dance. It allowed me to strut my stuff nice and slow and allowed my husband to get in the midst of la la land exactly where I wanted him before the song ended."

Not comfortable with giving a lap dance? Keep it simple. Tell your lover you have something special for him. Have a cd player near by and a chair. When the music starts, you don't even have to do too much moving. 

  • stroke his hair lightly
  • breathe in his ear
  • run your hands on his chest and along his thighs
  • straddle across him
Swivel your hips since men like the shape of a woman's body -- even when you have a few extra pounds or you don't consider yourself a great dancer.
The attitude of seduction is more important than the physical moves.

Photo courtesy of

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Massage oils for giving gentle massages

Favorite Massage Oils for Sensual, Erotic Massages

Giving a deep, sensual massage with the right massage oil or lotion is an effective way to relax and lower inhibitions to block out the demands and pressures of everyday life. Choosing the right lotion adds to the pleasurable sensations.
Here are favorites I recommend:

Vanilla Blackberry Currant from Bath and Body Works was one of our favorites. Price range $ 13 to $ 16
This was one of the first massage lotions we found that we really liked. And it lasted us several months. Only a few drops were needed to provide a soothing massage. The oil felt smooth and clean. The aroma was quite pleasant.

Mood Succulent by Victoria’s Secret $5 - on sale when we purchased
A collection of seductive fragrances composed of aphrodisiacs from around the world designed to stimulate the senses and enhance every mood. The aroma is blackberry and vanilla. So the theme for us on the aromas we enjoy are clear!
While the copy may be a bit overstated, it’s also pleasant and the price was right as well. Again, only small amounts are needed and even when massaging once a week or once every two weeks, the entire supply will last several months.

Click here to read this article in its entirety.

Image courtesy of

Valentine's Gifts on a Budget

It is possible to buy Valentine's Day gifts on a budget.

My wife bought some nice, tight red boy shorts this week at one of her favorite stores. It's not a store where one would normally think of buying Valentine's Day gifts. But it certainly is one of her favorite stores for shopping.

Boy shorts and panties for just under $ 1.00? Yep.

So what is this place? The 99 Cents Store!

She bought them and then placed them under my pillow -- which I don't know if that was by accident or on purpose -- and then I wrote a nice note simply saying "nice."

When she puts them on, I know she'll look great in them.

So Valentine's Day lingerie for under $ 1.00 at the 99 Cents Store.

Click here for more Valentine's Day gift ideas.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

How to enjoy sexuality and eroticism

Enjoying erotic and sexual pleasure is not always easy.

Sex coach and counselor Rachel Scheer gives tips on simple ways to increase positive sexual awareness:

It's awful to think about the fact that many people have been sexually abused. A large number of these people suffer in silence, and then this secret burns within them forever.

There are also people out there that have sexual inhibitions because they never received sex-positive messages growing up.

Perhaps they were told that sex is dirty, so they remain virgins and don't pursue romantic relationships. This Wednesday, January 27, I'll talk about these issues and what you can do to move forward in life. Here are some tips to help you:

1. Give yourself permission to be sexual. You deserve pleasure, so don't be afraid to masturbate or get a sensual massage.

2. Surround yourself with loving objects and people. Only hang out with friends and family that make you happy.

3. Face the truth about your past. You can't change what happened, but you can make positive changes within yourself.

Rachel tips are part of her current workshops on sexual health for women.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Fun Sexy Valentine's Gift Ideas

Here are fun, sexy Valentine's Gift Ideas that are unique and affordable.

If you want to let readers know any of your favorite Valentine's Gift ideas then see the email address at the end.

Talk to a Sex Coach!

Why not speak with someone who can keep your fantasies and desires in confidence and offer insight in to your relationship as well? Rachel Scheer, a guest writer on Eros Joy, is available for either in-person or phone consultations at
310-903-2399 or email

She can address a variety of issues or offer fun ideas to spice up a sex life and create greater intimacy. If you do consult her, then tell her you learned about her on Eros Joy.
Rachel's been hosting a sexual health series for women recently.


Drip honey on your honey as part of a quiet, sensual massage. Clean it off by licking and giving a nice, warm sponge bath.

Love Letter

Writing a love letter is one way to express sentiments. For men who have no talent in the area of crafts, then simply write the main things you appreciate about your sweetheart and print the document off on nicely decorated paper with flowers. The paper is available at any office supply store - and often in individual sheets.

Romance Novel Gift Collection

Visit a used bookstore and purchase a few different romance novels that run from tame to wild. Debbie Macomber is a favorite and stores also sell collections of erotica for women and couples. Books may be as little as $ 1.00 to $ 3.99 and in good condition or order online. For more Valentine's Day gift ideas, visit this online article Valentine Gifts: Fun and Affordable.

When celebrating those moments in Valentine's Day, it's not the money but it really is the thought that counts. That's lasting intimacy.

If you do want to share any Valentine's Day gift ideas with readers then email me at

Click here for Valentine's Day gift ideas on a budget.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Spark romance in marriage with a romance novel

Spark romance in a marriage with a romance novel with a character that is identifiable.

I bought my wife a romance novel by author Debbie Macomber, "Morning Comes Softly." I bought it at a used bookstore and glanced at it, thinking she would enjoy it. She did. She read it non-stop and finished the more than 300-page novel in about a week.

The two main characters are a rancher from Montana who places an ad in a newspaper for a wife and a librarian from Louisiana answers the. The novel picks up on their uneasiness, and then the two characters realize that after they become husband and wife they have to go to bed with each other!

Macomber deals wonderfully with the awkwardness between the sexually experienced rancher and the inexperienced librarian and gives the woman a feisty yet quite likeable demeanor.

It was a novel that helped us discuss a bit more about our own expectations for romance and sexuality in our own marriage.

"Morning Comes Softly" is available through Amazon or many romance book sites.

Dating tips for career-minded singles

I'm providing these dating tips for busy people since it's difficult to find love in this career-minded world.

Some people don't know how to approach an attractive person, while others fear what people will think of their bodies when the clothes come off.

This Wednesday, January 20, I'll talk about the popular topic of dating and discuss how people can get more dates and eventually be in a committed relationship. Along with this, I'll also explain how self-consciousness about your body can have a negative effect on your love life. Here are some tips for the week:

1. Try out new activities, and sign up for classes and events that
interest YOU. You're bound to meet other singles, and then you can improve your new skills together.

2. If the thing you hate most about your body can be fixed, then fix it! There are so many doctors and stylists and coaches that can help you, so don't be afraid to make a change for the better.

3. Try dating people that aren't your exact type. Your perfect match may be someone who doesn't have any of the qualities on your top ten list.

photo courtesy of Penny Matthews

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tips for orgasm and women's sexual health seminar

Women can achieve wonderful, pleasurable orgasms if they put in the effort. For some, it comes naturally, but for others, it requires much time, patience, and practice.

This Wednesday, January 13 at 6:30 pm, I will be having a women's seminar that discusses what women can do if they have never experienced an orgasm or if they are unable to experience one with their partners.

To RSVP, call me, Rachel Scheer, 310-903-2399 or email

There are a variety of causes for the inability to achieve orgasms, ranging from lack of clitoral stimulation to a negative attitude about sex.

Here are some tips to have more powerful orgasms, and feel free to join me on Wednesday to learn more about this topic.

1. Kegel Exercises: PC muscles can increase pleasure and improve your ability to have an orgasm. These muscles can be found by trying to stop the flow of urine. Squeeze and release them as often as possible.

2. Relaxation: Make sure you're alone and won't be disturbed. Lie down and take long, deep breaths to relax your mind and body. Let go of all your stress. You can meditate, take a bubble bath, or listen to sensual music to put yourself in a relaxed state of mind.

3. Sexual Fantasies: Get erotic magazines, pornography, attractive nude pictures, or whatever you prefer and imagine doing the sexual acts shown. Come up with your own fantasies, and feel free to be as creative as you'd like.

There are two more seminars scheduled for January 20 and January 27. For more details, visit

Monday, January 4, 2010

Sexual desire for women by Rachel Scheer

As a Love and Sexuality Coach, I have found that the most common sexual issue women deal with is lack of desire.

Men are usually full of testosterone which boosts their libidos, but women are often not in the mood due to many possible factors.

On Wednesday, January 6, I will discuss many of the causes of low sexual desire for women and go over some ways to resolve this issue. Here are a few tips, and more information will be shared at the workshop.

1. Talk to your partner if you're upset with him. Communication is key for a successful relationship. Being angry lowers your sexual desire, and the problem will eventually blow up in your face if it's not discussed.

2. Masturbation is important for your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. It can release your daily tension and boost your libido. Give it a try!

3. Plan sex dates with your partner. If you feel like you never have time or energy to get intimate, then schedule one night a week where you must have alone time with your man.

Sexual health series in Los Angeles for women

A four-week "Sexual Health Series for Women" is taking place starting Wednesday evenings January 6.

The series is led by Rachel Scheer, Certified Love and Sexuality Coach who can be reached at

The series will begin Wednesdays at 6:30 pm
, 400 S. Beverly Drive, Suite 316, Beverly Hills, CA 90212. The topics to be covered are:

January 6: Low Sexual Desire

Do you feel like you are never in the mood for sex? Learn how to work through this common dilemma.

January 13: Orgasms

Are you unable to reach orgasm either by yourself or with a partner? We will discuss the causes and ways to resolve this issue.

January 20: Dating and Body Image Issues

Are you having a tough time finding the love you deserve? Are you self-conscious about your body? Find out how to conquer your dating fears.

January 27: Sexual Inhibitions and Trauma

Do you feel guilty about having sex? Have you ever had a bad sexual experience? We will spend this evening helping you remove your negative thoughts.

For women ages 18 and up

$20 per week (cash only)


Erotic tip: touch

Touch is a way to stimulate eroticism in everyday situations. Here are 3 simple tips to make touch a part of your everyday life and increase the erotic joy in your relationship.

Step 1

Simply walk to where your partner is -- the kitchen, garage, front yard -- and touch him or her on the shoulder or move your finger along the hand.

Step 2

For relationships where passion has dulled, or one partner does not seem to be aware of the other, don't rush too many little touches in to a single day. Plan on one deliberate touch once a day or once every other day to start.

Step 3

Say one caring word about your partner as you make the touch. Say your husband is filling up the water container that's kept in the refrigerator. Simply move your finger along his shoulder and say "thanks, sweetheart, for taking time to do that."


One soft touch may not transform a dull moment into heightened eroticism and passionate lovemaking, but a series of light gentle touches sends a signal of caring and awareness.