Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Opening Up to My Wife - Part 2

It was November of last year and I spoke with a woman I had previously met online about my desires and how I felt jealous of other couples who were free in their sexual exploration with each other.

She "challenged" me to try the same with my wife. I described our backgrounds and how she had always seemed so sexually different than me. I had a deep interest in, and appreciation for, bdsm. Now there are many different levels and ways to approach this type of play. But it always elicited a deep, passionate response in me.

So what to do? I found it hard to talk but one time while making love I took her wrists and held them above her head and moved her legs so she was spread-eagle. I told her how much I enjoyed her like that.

Romance - vital. I wrote her several long, romantic notes, printed them nicely on decorative paper and placed them in an attractive photoalbum that served as the binder.

She loved the gift. And I also wrote about my enjoyment of bdsm and how I liked her exploring.

Are you having trouble talking with your husband or wife about your sexual desires? Do they show an interest or not? Yes, it's vulnerable because you want them to react positively. But go ahead and take that risk and take it ever so slowly.

We did an overnight in a local hotel between Christmas and New Year. She brought along several pairs of panties and gave me a nice fashion show.

I had purchased a rabbit fur and leather flogger and surprised her with it for the first time. Since then, it's become an integral part of our play and she even packed it for a weekend when we went to a weekend conference.

However, we didn't get to use it since we had our granddaughter along. Yes, I'm a young, young grandfather in my mid-40s thanks to our oldest daughter whom we adopted at age 7.

Talk to your wife or husband about your sexual desires. Be patient. It's worth the discussion and the risk.

Opening Up to My Wife - Part 1

I remember several years ago (hard to believe but it was several) logging on to a popular bondage site that was geared toward afficinados of all types and interest levels. I ended up emailing a couple of women and being quick to log off whenever my wife was around.

We got married in our late 20s and we're both active in our faith subscribing to quite conservative beliefs.

Yet, I never felt free to share my deepest fantasies that included bdsm with her until a year ago when we were going through another deep family crisis with our children. I also could never imagine her - of all people - enjoying some form of bdsm with me.

It reached the point where she was so consumed by the need to run our house day to day that she had little time and no energy for me. I was struggling in my commission-only sales job, too. I began discovering and wondering if my sexual needs were simply an expression of my selfishness or if they were, in fact, important to my well-being.

I decided they were. But there was a chasm of 6 teenagers (our adopted 4 with two boys as guardians) and their range of emotional and mental health needs.

I thought about an affair and I purused an online site for marrieds to have an affair with each other. But the burden and the difficulty of actually meeting someone on the site was painful. What would I do?


I'm starting this blog since sexuality is so much a part of the human experience. While it can be a source of frustration, crude jokes and pain, I've discovered with my wife of nearly 20 years how it's also a source of inspiration and joy.

I'll share my writings, tips from other like-minded bloggers and I'd love to answer questions you may have related to sexuality and erotic adventures.