It was November of last year and I spoke with a woman I had previously met online about my desires and how I felt jealous of other couples who were free in their sexual exploration with each other.
She "challenged" me to try the same with my wife. I described our backgrounds and how she had always seemed so sexually different than me. I had a deep interest in, and appreciation for, bdsm. Now there are many different levels and ways to approach this type of play. But it always elicited a deep, passionate response in me.
So what to do? I found it hard to talk but one time while making love I took her wrists and held them above her head and moved her legs so she was spread-eagle. I told her how much I enjoyed her like that.
Romance - vital. I wrote her several long, romantic notes, printed them nicely on decorative paper and placed them in an attractive photoalbum that served as the binder.
She loved the gift. And I also wrote about my enjoyment of bdsm and how I liked her exploring.
Are you having trouble talking with your husband or wife about your sexual desires? Do they show an interest or not? Yes, it's vulnerable because you want them to react positively. But go ahead and take that risk and take it ever so slowly.
We did an overnight in a local hotel between Christmas and New Year. She brought along several pairs of panties and gave me a nice fashion show.
I had purchased a rabbit fur and leather flogger and surprised her with it for the first time. Since then, it's become an integral part of our play and she even packed it for a weekend when we went to a weekend conference.
However, we didn't get to use it since we had our granddaughter along. Yes, I'm a young, young grandfather in my mid-40s thanks to our oldest daughter whom we adopted at age 7.
Talk to your wife or husband about your sexual desires. Be patient. It's worth the discussion and the risk.