Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Opening Up to My Wife - Part 1

I remember several years ago (hard to believe but it was several) logging on to a popular bondage site that was geared toward afficinados of all types and interest levels. I ended up emailing a couple of women and being quick to log off whenever my wife was around.

We got married in our late 20s and we're both active in our faith subscribing to quite conservative beliefs.

Yet, I never felt free to share my deepest fantasies that included bdsm with her until a year ago when we were going through another deep family crisis with our children. I also could never imagine her - of all people - enjoying some form of bdsm with me.

It reached the point where she was so consumed by the need to run our house day to day that she had little time and no energy for me. I was struggling in my commission-only sales job, too. I began discovering and wondering if my sexual needs were simply an expression of my selfishness or if they were, in fact, important to my well-being.

I decided they were. But there was a chasm of 6 teenagers (our adopted 4 with two boys as guardians) and their range of emotional and mental health needs.

I thought about an affair and I purused an online site for marrieds to have an affair with each other. But the burden and the difficulty of actually meeting someone on the site was painful. What would I do?

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