Creating Erotic Joy in Long Term Relationships: Use the Kitchen Table

Keeping erotic joy in a long-term relationship like a marriage may mean looking at familiar things in a new way.

This is where BDSM for couples can bring new vigor and zest because it can entail finding a new use for a household item like a kitchen table. It doesn't even have to be BDSM-related if one or the other partner is not comfortable with the term.

Finding sexy uses for what we normally find mundane can also help spouses or long-term lovers look at each other in new ways.

A Normal Kitchen Table

Here's a picture of a kitchen table that measures 4 feet long and 3 feet wide and about 2 ½ feet high.

There's nothing ornate or unusual about it but imagine this:

Placing a pillow on it for the wife, or husband, to lay down her head and tie her ankles to the table legs using rope or silky fabric or even silk ties.

This would cause her to bend and leave her bottom available for the other's pleasure to massage, caress, and deliver some on-target spanks. It would also make it a target for erotic and sensual teasing by touching between the legs.

Who could know a kitchen table could be so sexy?

Add Normal Implements

Use wooden spoons or spatulas to spank the bottom for extra sensations that can arouse.

Place a spread of chocolate-dipped strawberries on the table or other fruit to eat and share before tying.

Now that sounds like another post, how to eat fruit in a sensual and erotic way.

Remember, safety first and make sure whoever bends over the table is comfortable in the position and hands or ankles are not tied too tightly so fingers can move and circulation remains.

The kitchen can be a sexy place to prepare food and the kitchen table can add spice and erotic joy that may otherwise be overlooked.

About the Author

DD Symms is the author of the sexy fashion novel Boarding and the short story Layover. 

Click here for his Amazon page and click here for his stories on Breathless Press.

Touch – Opening the Door to Pleasurable Awareness

Our skin is the largest sex organ we have, teeming with nerve endings and ready to react to all kinds of sensation and that means discovering sensual touches can open the doors to deeper arousal.

Heighten sensual awareness through touch. If you're married or dating, invite your partner to participate.

Before touching each other, simply explore everyday objects through touch. Feel a hard object like a cutting board. Run fingers along the surface and describe the first sensation that comes to mind. Is the board hard plastic or is it wooden.

If you have both kinds in your house then seek the difference between each.

Try a piece of soft fruit. Do this while lying in bed with each other. Grasp a peach or banana. Touch the peel. Kiss it. Run your lips along the surface. Then touch the part of the fruit you would eat. Hold it to your lips, your breasts, or the insides of your thighs.

Do you notice a difference in the sensations?

If you're doing this with a partner does this stimulate you and arouse you? Or is it simply fun and

perhaps even funny? It's okay to giggle and have fun.

After all, that's part of experiencing erotic joy.

photo credits: woman's legs http://www.sxc.hu/profile/zizzy0104

                       man  sxc.hu/windchaser

Take time to kiss

Did you ever really take time to kiss? 

Or perhaps you once did but now with your spouse or lover life is often in the way?

Rekindle the moment when your lips lightly touched, barely sensing each other's flesh and move no further. Linger. Absorb. Sense. 

Sexual heat builds like water in a garden hose when it's constricted. Once the flow is released then it forms and sprays mightily.

Enjoy the kiss and the fullness of the lips in their tender glory. And then after you have appreciated each other's warmth and can no longer stand it then move your lips to the ear and caress the exposed flesh.

Yes, don't think of kissing as the first moment of joining and then moving on to what is really cool and hot! No, consider the kiss as end unto itself and a moment of connection that is itself special.

The naked flesh of the lips is worth taking time to explore a sensual kiss. 

One kiss can lead to erotic bliss.

Relationship is the Heart of Eroticism

Pursuing erotic desires is the quest to have meaningful relationships.

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This can be true for women who want their husbands and boyfriends to pay attention to them and appreciate the finer details about them like their eyes, their laugh, and their hair. If the man in their life is not paying attention to these intimate details, then they can experience a level of rejection.

For a man, it could be he wants his wife or girl friend to accept him on his erotic journey and explore sexually and have a venue for sharing sexual fantasies and not be put to shame.

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I’m currently writing an erotic romance, a novella, where the heroine of the story goes camping to getaway from a hectic life and find healing in the mountains. She meets a man who takes notice of her little details but then she gets kidnapped into an alternate world where there is plenty of sexual activity but there is no depth of relationship. Ultimately, there is no eroticism.

What if your significant other is not paying attention to you erotically? Feel free to show them this post and then ask them to pay attention to this part of you and to find a way to appreciate and accept your desires. Eroticism should bring us into deeper relationship with the ones we love.

Thinking erotically for men and women

Developing erotic thinking is more than just thinking about sexual activity or fantasizing. Erotic thinking is more deliberate. This is where the word "sensual" has importance. Sensuality uses the senses of touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing. Use sensual living to enhance erotic thinking.

This is important for husbands who "wish" their wives had more interest in sexual activity. Stop and be willing to take those steps prior to help her discover her sensuality and erotic thinking.

Developing erotic thinking is important for women who want to please their husbands or significant other.

Here is a simple exercise--especially for women: set aside ten quiet minutes. Look in the mirror and enjoy looking at your eyes -- and letting them look back at you. While you're looking in the mirror, close your eyes momentarily and imagine standing in a peaceful location with gentle hands running the length of your body and touching your intimate areas such as your breasts and between your legs.

Imagine the one who is touching has your best interest in mind and will not let any harm come to you. It doesn't matter if there is a clear picture in your mind or not of the person touching you. As long as the trust exists in your thoughts.

Now open your eyes and imagine the scene again and imagine your husband or lover. Let the thoughts affect your sight and your smile--or a sensual parting of the lips.

Repeat this step two or three times per week.

An erotic idea while gardening

While snow and cold temperatures grip most of the country, here's an erotic idea to consider while looking forward to spring and getting in the garden or flower bed: wear a straw hat, pink gloves, and nothing else--okay, maybe a bikini if you're shy.

I've been thinking how wearing a wide brim straw hat and nothing else could be quite fun and erotic. Or, the ladies, have your husband or lover take a picture of you while posing wearing a straw hat and gardening gloves and maybe holding a trowel.

Make eye contact with the camera and smile confidently or seductively. The eyes can really display eroticism.

I hope this shows that dressing up erotically can be simple and affordable. It doesn't always mean wearing expensive lingerie. Turn the mundane into something spicy for erotic fun in a relationship.

Layover from Breathless Press coming mid-March

My short story, Layover, is scheduled for a March 11 release from Breathless Press. I'm happy about that and it was a good experience in writing erotic fiction. I have a novel in the works, two novellas, and two more short stories. That's why posting on the Eros Joy blog here has been tough.

Writing erotic fiction is not just about sex. It really includes getting inside the character's heads and seeing how their actions impact them. The same can be said about eroticism in real life. The more I've thought about it, the more I've thought how intense and satisfying sex is the outgrowth of eroticism and erotic thinking.

And what leads to erotic thinking? Attitude. This is where women who may not consider themselves good looking or physically attractive have a chance to shine. So much eroticism is reflected in the eyes. Seriously. And the thoughts - and the smile. I'll keep working on reflecting that in my writing and for women who want to add a new erotic dimension to their lives, then work on the smile and attitude.

Kissing - or almost kissing - and erotic joy

Creating anticipation is one of the best ways of sparking erotic joy in a relationship. In a healthy relationship, there's no problem using a kiss - or an almost kiss - as a form of teasing to create the anticipation of a deep sexual experience later.

The thought came to me as I read a post by romance author Debra Kayn. She wrote about "almost kissing" with her husband and then walking away! Fortunately, sounds like they have a good relationship! Here's what Debra has to say about it:

"I love the moment right before a kiss more than the actual act. That sexual tension that builds between two people grabs me. Of course, that made me change the 10 second rule the next day, and I said that we have to get as close to kissing without actually kissing...and then walk away."

Read Debra's 10-second rule on kissing and learn more about her romance writing.

Think of the ways you can create anticipation in the next day or two: a soft brush of the lips, a touch on the bottom, a candle lit even if not trying to seduce your lover. There are many ways to create those moments that can lead to more intense passion later.

Panties and dressing for erotic joy

Panties have an erotic quality that accentuate the beauty of a woman's body. Take time to study how the panties follow the natural curves of the butt and slide gracefully along the thighs and in between the legs.


Dressing erotically in panties and undressing can be done deliberately, moving the fabric over the legs slowly until the clothing is in place. There's no need to wait until it's time for lovemaking to show your partner your erotic skills in putting them on or taking them off.


If it's morning, and your spouse or partner is in bed, stand in front of the bed and a mirror, if there's one in your room, and hold them gracefully. 

Then slowly lift your legs placing them through the openings and pull them slowly up your thighs and begin to wiggle as the fabric touches your bottom. Wait. Don't pull them all the way up. Keep them just below the curve of your butt and run your fingers through your hair and then reach down to finally pull them up over your rear and fit them snugly against your hips.

Taking them off in the evening can be done in the same way. Find a time when it's not necessary to rush. Try it at least once a week -- again, at a time when it's not just time for sexual contact. This is a way to maintain a level of seduction and arousal with a long-time partner.

5 ways to start an erotic talk

Erotic joy – including having an erotic talk about your fantasies and desires – includes laying an emotionally beautiful foundation with the one who shares your body.

Here are 5 things you can tell that special someone today:

Lovely eyes – notice how lovely his or her eyes are. Tell them how you enjoy when they look longingly at you.

Lips – tell them how much you enjoy their lips brushing against your lips and how you enjoy the warmth of their kisses

Thoughts – tell them how special it makes you feel when you can share your most intimate thoughts and desires without the fear of being judged.

Positive comparisons – write a brief note to compare their traits to something positive and romantic like a rose. “You make me feel vibrant like a blooming rose and your embrace nourishes me.”

Touch – tell them how much you appreciate their simple, everyday touches.

Intimacy builds in the details – the moments -- that are shared. As they’re communicated, a foundation can be laid for sharing more fantasies and desires.

During the middle of busy moments, find the time to whisper one of these comments to your spouse, partner, lover. While drastic changes won’t occur immediately, make it a practice and over time inhibitions may lower and overall intimacy can improve.

Image "Summer Rose" from http://www.sxc.hu/profile/daniel437

Romancing Your Spouse with a Lap Dance

Put some erotic joy and romance in to your relationship with a lap dance. I came across the idea after seeing an article from a woman, Angel Vee, who listed quite a few songs that would work well for giving a spouse or lover a lap dance:

"On my first Valentine's Day with my husband one of his gifts was a Valentine's day lap dance. Trying to find that perfect song was so hard, due to all the great hits out there. But I ended up choosing a song called 'Darling Nikki" by Prince. This song was a perfect choice for a lap dance. It allowed me to strut my stuff nice and slow and allowed my husband to get in the midst of la la land exactly where I wanted him before the song ended."

Click here to read the rest of the article "Hot Valentine's Day Lap Dance Songs."

Not comfortable with giving a lap dance? Keep it simple. Tell your lover you have something special for him. Have a cd player near by and a chair. When the music starts, you don't even have to do too much moving. 

• stroke his hair lightly
• breathe in his ear
• run your hands on his chest and along his thighs
• straddle across him

Swivel your hips since men like the shape of a woman's body -- even when you have a few extra pounds or you don't consider yourself a great dancer.

The attitude of seduction is more important than the physical moves.

Click here for more ideas on romancing your spouse.

Photo courtesy of www.editae.com.br

How to enjoy sexuality and eroticism

Enjoying erotic and sexual pleasure is not always easy.

Sex coach and counselor Rachel Scheer gives tips on simple ways to increase positive sexual awareness:

It's awful to think about the fact that many people have been sexually abused. A large number of these people suffer in silence, and then this secret burns within them forever.

There are also people out there that have sexual inhibitions because they never received sex-positive messages growing up.

Perhaps they were told that sex is dirty, so they remain virgins and don't pursue romantic relationships. This Wednesday, January 27, I'll talk about these issues and what you can do to move forward in life. Here are some tips to help you:

1. Give yourself permission to be sexual. You deserve pleasure, so don't be afraid to masturbate or get a sensual massage.

2. Surround yourself with loving objects and people. Only hang out with friends and family that make you happy.

3. Face the truth about your past. You can't change what happened, but you can make positive changes within yourself.

Rachel tips are part of her current workshops on sexual health for women.

Fun Sexy Valentine's Gift Ideas

Here are fun, sexy Valentine's Gift Ideas that are unique and affordable.

If you want to let readers know any of your favorite Valentine's Gift ideas then see the email address at the end.

Talk to a Sex Coach!
Why not speak with someone who can keep your fantasies and desires in confidence and offer insight in to your relationship as well? Rachel Scheer, a guest writer on Eros Joy, is available for either in-person or phone consultations at 310-903-2399 or email rachel@scheerintimacy.com.

She can address a variety of issues or offer fun ideas to spice up a sex life and create greater intimacy. If you do consult her, then tell her you learned about her on Eros Joy. Rachel's been hosting a sexual health series for women recently.

Honey
Drip honey on your honey as part of a quiet, sensual massage. Clean it off by licking and giving a nice, warm sponge bath.

Love Letter
Writing a love letter is one way to express sentiments. For men who have no talent in the area of crafts, then simply write the main things you appreciate about your sweetheart and print the document off on nicely decorated paper with flowers. The paper is available at any office supply store - and often in individual sheets.

Romance Novel Gift Collection
Visit a used bookstore and purchase a few different romance novels that run from tame to wild. Debbie Macomber is a favorite and stores also sell collections of erotica for women and couples. Books may be as little as $ 1.00 to $ 3.99 and in good condition or order online. For more Valentine's Day gift ideas, visit this online article Valentine Gifts: Fun and Affordable.

When celebrating those moments in Valentine's Day, it's not the money but it really is the thought that counts. That's lasting intimacy.

If you do want to share any Valentine's Day gift ideas with readers then email me at deesm111@yahoo.com.

Click here for Valentine's Day gift ideas on a budget.

Tips for orgasm and women's sexual health seminar

Women can achieve wonderful, pleasurable orgasms if they put in the effort. For some, it comes naturally, but for others, it requires much time, patience, and practice.

This Wednesday, January 13 at 6:30 pm, I will be having a women's seminar that discusses what women can do if they have never experienced an orgasm or if they are unable to experience one with their partners.

To RSVP, call me, Rachel Scheer, 310-903-2399 or email rachel@scheerintimacy.com.


There are a variety of causes for the inability to achieve orgasms, ranging from lack of clitoral stimulation to a negative attitude about sex.

Here are some tips to have more powerful orgasms, and feel free to join me on Wednesday to learn more about this topic.

1. Kegel Exercises: PC muscles can increase pleasure and improve your ability to have an orgasm. These muscles can be found by trying to stop the flow of urine. Squeeze and release them as often as possible.

2. Relaxation: Make sure you're alone and won't be disturbed. Lie down and take long, deep breaths to relax your mind and body. Let go of all your stress. You can meditate, take a bubble bath, or listen to sensual music to put yourself in a relaxed state of mind.

3. Sexual Fantasies: Get erotic magazines, pornography, attractive nude pictures, or whatever you prefer and imagine doing the sexual acts shown. Come up with your own fantasies, and feel free to be as creative as you'd like.

There are two more seminars scheduled for January 20 and January 27. For more details, visit www.scheerintimacy.com.

Erotic tip: touch

Touch is a way to stimulate eroticism in everyday situations. Here are 3 simple tips to make touch a part of your everyday life and increase the erotic joy in your relationship.

Step 1

Simply walk to where your partner is -- the kitchen, garage, front yard -- and touch him or her on the shoulder or move your finger along the hand.

Step 2

For relationships where passion has dulled, or one partner does not seem to be aware of the other, don't rush too many little touches in to a single day. Plan on one deliberate touch once a day or once every other day to start.

Step 3

Say one caring word about your partner as you make the touch. Say your husband is filling up the water container that's kept in the refrigerator. Simply move your finger along his shoulder and say "thanks, sweetheart, for taking time to do that."

Summary

One soft touch may not transform a dull moment into heightened eroticism and passionate lovemaking, but a series of light gentle touches sends a signal of caring and awareness.